Springtime in the Rockies

WOW, I have a lot to catch up on, so I will try to hit all the major points.

I finally started getting a ton of hits on all the nursing jobs I had applied for, so I began interviewing, of course wearing my perfect Banana Republic Suit. The only issue I ran into with it was the fact I have lost a lot of weight since I bought it, like 15 or more pounds, so the size 2 slacks were way to big. I had a few interviews, then finally, I got an e-mail from the Mountain Post Birthing Center to come in!

For the week and a half leading up to the interview I reviewed all my nursing clinical info for maternity, including getting my 10 lb textbook out for major review/cram sessions. My mom and I also did some mock-practice interviews, and I had already had "real" interviews at other hospitals, so that helped too. I also had my slacks taken in, and hemmed, got a mani/pedi, woke up early, did my hair & make-up the day of my interview.

The interview went amazing, and they loved me! They said they had 4 more people to interview and that I would hear at the end of April one way or another. I heard 2 days later that they had an offer ready for me! YAY, I readily accepted.

Because I am a civilian entering the system (i.e. working at a military institution), it can take anywhere from 2 to 4 months before I will actually start, which is fine because of the next thing...

Layla turns 1 years old on Thursday! I am so excited for her and shocked at the same time how fast it went. But when you travel, PCS, and also have another toddler/preschool age child, and work per diem, and are dealing with the families first deployment, its easy to see where the time goes!

Kelly also has a birthday coming up, 3 years old!!! On may 18th--for her we will have a big party, and hopefully daddy will be home.

Daddy comes home in May, hopefully by Memorial weekend, when we are planning a major weekend celebration, with even his brother coming into town from NM. I am so excited!

So, obviously there is a lot more to say since my last update....let's see, Layla started walking independently a few weeks ago, I still nurse her 3x a day (never thought I would be saying this right before her first birthday), I am weaning her off the paci, she now only gets it for nap and bedtime, but I do not clip it to her, so if she wants it, she has to find it in her bed,  Kelly finished soccer, and will start dance after her birthday. I have made a lot of friends with other SF wives and actually get together with them and hang out and talk to them on a regular basis (weekly), beginning to get my NRP certification, and looking into getting my Lactation Consultant certification too. I am still trying very hard to gain weight, but can't seem to get above 110 :( I look pretty icky)...just been reading and praying a lot, and look forward to the next few months!

Pictures coming. My camera broke, from me letting Layla play with it, so I am searching for another, better one. All my pics are iPod pics and not the best quality!

On the Upswing

Life is getting better. I am the happiest I have been since Mac deployed. I went on an awesome spouse's retreat last weekend up at the Keystone Lodge and Spa and had an amazing time! I met so many awesome, strong Special Forces wives that are all in the same  boat as me. Many of their husbands have deployed 4 or more times! Talking with them put a lot of my worries, concerns, and complaints into perspective. And the best part is, I made new Mommy friends that have babies around Kelly and Layla's age, and we are all planning a mani-pedi dinner date for March and I am so excited!

I have also been keeping us busy with fun things like, Kelly's soccer practice, her Build & Grow club at Lowe's, going running with my girlfriend Kendal and our babies, of course treating everyone to Zoo days, including with Kendall and Kennedy (7 months), and then this past weekend we went with my long time friend Margaret and her 2y 4m old son Broc and we all had such a good time. I try to do something fun with the girls basically everyday, which can be at times stressful, but if I am not working, we make it happen. yesterday I even got my mom to run with me, and we did at least 7 miles, with both girls in the phil&teds..took a few walking breaks, but for the most part is was straight up jogging! lol Today I am going with Kendall again.

Speaking about work. Its going fine. I am still working for Interim, staffing agency, but they have only been sending me to the actual hospital (as opposed to SNF), Penrose St. Francis Medical Center, so thats been good and incredibly busy. I have gone back and forth between Nights and Days, but told my boss last week I didn't want anymore nights, its realy not good for the family or my health for that matter. I can always make those sacrifices when I get my dream job.

I have also applied for about 30 more jobs in the past week. I figure if I can just get into the Hospital systems here, I could probably cross train and transfer to what I really want to do.

Layla has 4 teeth and just cut too more, not walking yet but cruises all over furniture. Kelly is a big girl, as sweet as pie, and is getting very adventurous (i.e. flips on monkey bars, climbs and jumps off of everything!). More about them soon!

OK my little lady is done with breakfast (as she throws in on the floor, lol!), more to write with pictures to come!

feeling semi-better

So I am doing a bit better. I discussed the situation with Mac and the way he explained it kinda makes sense, but it also still bothered me. However, I am done letting it determine how I feel.

Things have been busy, as always. I have been trying to get the girls signed up for CYS on post, and since we live so far north, its a drive and a huge pain. Kelly got her last vaccine today, so, hopefully they will finish registering her. Layla's is finished. The whole point is so that I can start using the free respite care, alone time to actually get stuff done, and get the girls into different activities and swim classes and what-not.

The other day I lost my iPod touch. It not the newest generation, and only an 8G, but it literally had 1900+ pictures of the girls and our family, including Kelly from 18 months and on, and while I was pregnant with Layla, her first moments and Mac's graduation, and hundreds of random memories. I am so very depressed about this. I keep re-tracing my steps, and going back to Lowes, Wells Fargo, and the Library, bc that is where I went that day, and no luck. I posted on Craigslist and am offer a $100 reward for its safe return. I don't care about the iPod, I can buy 100 iPods if I feel like it. I just want the pictures and videos! :(

This afternoon I am looking forward to running with my friend Kendall. She has a little 7 month old, and I will probably bring one or both girls with me, tho Kelly really needs her nap...We are going to run on the Sante Fe Trail, not sure how far...its not warm out, but its not totally freezing either.

I just want Mac to come home. Ugh.

More to say but 2 grumpy babies need me.

I'm a negative creep

Yes, I am still depressed. Yet somehow I am able to function through the day and continue to take Kelly and Layla to their activities and make friendly conversation with friends. However, I am still way depressed and get extremely irritable especially at night.

I have been hearing from Mac more through e-mail which is nice and he was even able to call me today, though seemed rather annoyed that I missed his first two calls. I couldn't help it. His e-mail said he'd talk to me in a week, so I thought, ok, cool, I can pull my phone from out of my ass and leave it upstairs for once. Wrong answer. Any ways, sounds like he is doing a lot better and having a better time.

I ended up going to Aa's mom this week about his brother drinking too much. Bottom line is, he'd call me all weekend and I was genuinely worried about him. I guessed they talked and had a good conversation. But now I don't hear from him, unless I text him first. Kinda bums me out, I did like having at least him to talk too.

OK, I have more to say but too busy right now. :'(

thats life.

I don’t even know where to begin. I am so bad at keeping up with blogging. I am thinking about starting a public blog entitled, “The Things we do While Daddy’s Gone”, to highlight the things the girls and I do while Mac has been deployed. It’s mostly all the things we do while he is home, except more outings, more shopping, and more decorating.   

We have also been going to the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo, a lot. We have a membership and have the Family Plus so we can go plus bring a friend a for free…and also feed the Giraffes and ride the Skyride (have not done this yet). Last weekend the girls and I went to the zoo and brought Nonnie along. We had SOoo much fun! I wish Nonnie would come with us all the time!

Feeding the Giraffes

Kisses! lol

My babies

Mommy and Kelly

Layla and her paci! she's addicted

This is my favorite picture from the day

Yay! Grizzly Bears!

We're in wonderland

First Carousel Ride <3

Kelly wouldn't ride on the "horsey"

I got Kelly signed up for Soccer Buddies, which starts next Thursday, if she enjoys it I will get her signed up officially, and it will be a weekly affair. I also am getting her into the Lowe's children's building club, where they learn about tools and how to build and put things together. She will start that on Feb 11th. Lowe's does their group twice a month, so again, if she likes it, we will get into it. I want her to start dance too, but we will have to hold off until her 3rd birthday in May; the youngest class is for 3-4 year olds. Then of course we do Toddler Time at the Library every Thursday morning, and her Speech Therapy is still Tuesdays and Fridays.

Work is going well. I am back to working 12s, and doing the over-night, which I think I actually like more this time around. I know I do not like working consecutive days; and I know I like that working nights allows me a lot more time with the girls. I feel fine with just a 3-4 hour nap the afternoon before work, and the girls are usually sleeping for at least part of the time any ways. The downside is I come home in the morning when they are usually already awake and want to play. Most of the time I can’t last to Layla’s first nap, or I do and then have a really hard time falling asleep for a nap myself. I do not drink caffeine until I leave for work (non-work days I drink tea or coffee all day, lol), and while I am at work I maybe allow myself 1 coffee around 3am.

Right now I am working at Penrose St. Francis Medical Center, actually its Select Hospital, but they occupy the 6^th floor of Penrose. It’s still per diem through Interim Healthcare, but it’s fine. It’s on an LTAC floor, which is what I used to do in NC a lot of the time, when I wasn’t in the Urgent Care or ICU, so its pretty familiar to me. I really still want to work in Mother-Baby though, so as soon as a job presents itself I won’t hesitate to take it.

One really shitty part about Aaron being gone is the lack of communication. Duh, right? Well, you would think that talking on the phone and skyping and e-mailing would be useful. Well, it would be if both people were into it. Unfortunately, Mac does not write me e-mails, but maybe 3 in the past 7 weeks he’s been gone, let alone read mine—this I know because I logged into his e-mail today and saw 11unread e-mails from me. And as far as skyping goes, we have done that ONCE. I hear from him by phone pretty often, however, since our last conversation I am not surprised to have not heard from him in the past 24 hours.Considering how not-busy he is, and blabla, you'd think he would try to be in better contact with his family here.

The feeling I get from the way he talks about it, it sounds like he absolutely hates his job out there, and is “losing faith” and that he might end up “doing something stupid or dangerous”. I have no idea what exactly that is supposed to mean. He got frustrated with me because I said, “well at least you are safe” and “well, don’t you have guys that you hang out with there, it can’t all be bad?”. He basically told me that I don’t get it, and then quickly wanted to end the conversation and hang up. That’s why I checked his e-mail. I also came across a rather disturbing message he sent, but until I confront him about this I will just keep it to myself. I asked him specifically to check his e-mail me, and respond with specific information I need to get the girls signed up for free respite care and to ensure our spot on the retreat up to Keystone Ski Resort in February...and he has not done it! Its driving me nuts.

My priority is my family—the girls. So yes, forgive me if I am satisfied knowing that he is mostly doing administrative work while he is deployed and not being put into risky, life-threatening situations. I understand he wants to be actually doing what he trained and worked so hard to do, however, he has a wife and 2 little girls that want him to come home alive, in one piece. I am not impressed to say the least. From what it sounds like, he runs like twice a day, goes to the pool on the weekends (and hangs out with other UN, ARMY, and other English speaking men AND WOMEN) and also goes out to eat with these people, including the women. Oh and he is not wearing his wedding ring. I asked him, and he said, “not usually” which obviously means NO.

Call me insecure, call me immature, but I do not think this is appropriate at all. Nor would I ever, under any circumstances do what he is doing. Yes I have trust issues! I basically don't trust men. My real dad cheated on my mom, and has made some many useless promises to me over the years, I don't believe anything he tells me, not has he tried to talk to me in the last 2 years any ways. And I don’t even feel like I can say anything about it, because then he’d probably get mad that I wouldn’t want him to have any “fun” because his life out there “sucks”.

How am I supposed to survive this until sometime in JUNE?

I am so sad right now.

Every day, all day, I have to listen to Kelly asking, “Mommy, call Daddy in Africa? Call Daddy Mommy! Where’s Daddy?”

This fucking sucks. Thank GOD I have my family here. I still can hardly take it though.  I am so depressed. And the medicine is not working at all.

And my damn symphysis pubis still hurts and my low back (SI joints) make me feel like I am breaking apart.

I don’t get to run twice a day, I don’t even get to run every day. I don’t get to do what I want to do, or work where I want to work, or hangout with who I want to hang out with.  That’s life!

Holidays 2011

As usual, I need to play catch up on my posts. I will try not to make it too long.

Aaron left on December 16th, of course we got in the obligatory christmas tree pictures and airport pics, but not until the morning he left.

As always, I miss him when he is gone, and especially on Christmas and New Years, but I have an awesome support system with his parents and my mom and brothers and sisters. I have gotten to talk to him almost everyday on the phone, so for the first little bit it didn't feel like he was away.

Since he has left I have been sick twice. Once with a GI puking thing, and just yesterday and today a terrible sore throat with very swollen glads and intermittent fever. We went to the Y today so I could have a break and take a nice solo shower, then I literally fell asleep in the lobby as I enjoyed the rest of my 2-hr baby-free time. It was good to get back, Kelly needs a routine and with the holidays everything has been all crazy. (i.e. skipping naps, going to bed very late and in my bed)

Christmas eve was spent wrapping and last mninute gift buying, followed by an Open House party at the McIntires. Chris & Allison (Aaron's sister) and Sam (Aaron's brother) were there from out of town and we had a lot of fun.

I was so excited for Kelly to wake up Christmas morning!! I set everything up the night before. All presents from mommy or daddy and 3 from Santa. Same for Layla, except Layla didn't get much, lol. Afterwards we went back to the McIntires for brunch, then off to work I went, the girls stayed with my mom. Working on Christmas was fantastic. I celebrated so much before hand that it didn't even feel like a holiday, even though I was making a sweet $50/hr.

Kelly was a good girl this year

So was Layla <3

She loved her Lady Bug (her nickname is Lady Bug Layla)

She didn't like being squeezed into Kelly's old Christmas outfit

Kelly wanted a bored game so bad!

Melissa & Doug responsibility chart. They also got the calender.

Kelly loved her caboodle! Hair stuff and lipsmackers!

Brunch with Aaron's Family, I love them!

New Years eve was pretty uneventful. Sam and his roomie from NM came over for some beer pong. Then unfortunetely I was talked into going to a terrible house party. I am way too old for that crap. I ended up calling my mom from the cab on the way there to arrange for her to pick me up as soon as I got there. I had fun before we left then was miserable and missing Aaron even worse while we were there.

getting made up for the big party

Kelly is such a girlie-girl!

I played one round of beer pong, Sam was my partner

Aaron is always with me, special blanket from his parents, I know I look crazy! LOL

loving (Sean in the background)

Mom and Honey Girl

Sean and Mom and of course Honey Girl

Eddie

So, 2011 was not bad, not bad at all. I am so thankful for all the experiences and moments of the '11's. I look forward to see what 2012 has in store for us.

My resolutions:
1. Heal my mind & body so I can run almost painfree
2. Continue swimming 1-2x per week
3. Finally learn how to use my two sewing machines!
4. Go back to church and work on my relationship with God. Its been about 6 weeks
5. Blog more often!
6. Be happy & satisfied with what I have and continue to look forward.